XxThisSexIsOnFireXx’s blog

So... I forgot about Vox... I'm not saying I've been too busy since my last post, that most definately wasn't the case!! I just forgot. My bad!

So... What's happened to me since April?! Hmmm!!

I had to go back and read my last posts to know where I even was. I wish I could say a lot has happened since April, but in truth... Nah! Not a whole lot!! Sucky.

I had a few "accidents." And by accidents I mean people I wouldn't normally have slept with. I "accidentally" slept with them, haha! Never underestimate the power of alcohol.

I don't know what I last said about The Ex, but I remember saying I was still in love with him some time back. That's gone out the window anyway! I'm getting to the point where I can't stand him.

He got a new girlfriend, and in fairness to her, she is lovely. So we're friends. Well... We have as much of a bond as any two girls who'd fucked the same guy can have. If you follow me...

He brought her to my 21st (which I told him do) and all was fine. But The Ex texts me a lot!! Now I can understand how this is frustrating The New GF, he did the same to me. I even tried to stop him talking to his ex's. Which is what she's trying to do now. She think's he's still in love with me. Which he is, but won't admit to her.

But every so often I get a text... A dirty, flirty text. Which I hate because I've come to realise I'm not attracted to him anymore, whatsoever. I'd go so as to say he repulses me now.

After all the fighting I went through to make sure we stayed friends, I can't just tell him I'm not talking to him anymore. Which I sooo badly want to do now. Let me explain...

He was texting me for WEEKS!!! Asking me to meet up with him. For sex. Of course. I had realised at this stage that I didn't fancy him anymore, but rather than be a bitch about it I made out I was having some massive aversion to sex and I had no interest. Which worked rather well when I mentioned I hadn't had sex in 9 weeks! (I just made him believe this was self inflicted- I wasn't! *sad face*)

I've told him countless times, that I wasn;t going to have sex with him. Girlfriend or no girlfriend. I've told him him wanting me to talk dirty to him, and him texting me bold things makes me uncomfortable! But he's still at it.

I've always wanted a vibrator, but whenever I'm in the store I never have money, and when I have money I can't get to the store or buy something else. Typical. But he know's this, and happened to mention that Durex were running an offer type thing. I don't know what you call it really. They were looking for testers!! Of their new vibrator. So I signed up.

That was over 6 weeks ago... And He's still asking did I hear anything from Durex. I think he thinks he's getting a show. He fucking isn't!!!

So that's The Ex... Or as much as I cna bare to say without putting myself in a bad mood.

But, with weakened judgement, one night I had a great idea! Or so the alcohol lead me to believe.

I was going to a houseparty with some of my friends and The Ex's Brother walked past. We always got on well so I started talking to him. Off the girls went to the houseparty, knowing I was putting the moves on this unsuspecting newfound prey! He knew well what was going to happen. He even said if I didn;t bring him home right that instant he was going to ride me on the footpath!

The other part of the plan, was The Ex's Brother is known as somewhat of a Sex God. So I was going to end the drought and get my secret revenge all at the same time.

And that I did!

"Sex God" was pushing the boat out... Quite a bit actually. Mediocre Semi-God more like! But I did feel better. So I got over the alright sex pretty quick.

Haha, talk about awkward Sunday mornings!!

The week before this, the Sunday night I went out with my Best Friend's Sister. I finished work late and we only had about half an hour before the boys were collecting us at my house, so we downed a bottle of vodka in what we now call The Shot Game.

I was locked!

We got to town anyway, I'm assuming, and went to the nightclub. I kissed a boy there I wish I hadn't because he now thinks I'm mad after him and keeps asking me to go to the cinema and shit like that. His ex girlfriend is pregnant and I was also with his best friend for a while. Now that was some good sex!!

Anyway I don't want to be with this guy. So I avoid him now... At all costs!

After the nightclub, my friend and I were making a hasty getaway when she decided she wanted to go to the chipper. So we went to the chipper. Who should I meet outside... Another friends ex boyfriend/my longtime crush!

Full of Shot Game courage I started talking to him, and within seconds the two of us are mauling the faces off each other. And back we go to my house!

I don't really remember the sex... But I do remember 2 things.

1. It hurt. It wasn't that regular kind of sex people enjoy, it hurt. Accidentally of course. God bless him he was a try-er, but to no avail. He hadn't a notion what to do.

2. I got so bored of no enjoying it, but not quite stronge enough in my weakened state to ask him stop, that I just lay there. I don't know for how long. A long time I imagine. But after what I can only assume was TEN YEARS I realised I hadn't moved or said anything in ages. And by "said" I mean moan... Or groan... Or gasp... Or shown any signs of life.

I decided I'd have to pretend to be alive again. With my best effort I managed to conjure up a quick "well done" and at this point I think I fell asleep.

The Ex's Brother was the last sex I've had... going on four weeks ago now. I think I've lost my touch!

I have this new crush... He was actually with my best friend 4 years ago. I love him. In that kind of "I think you're sexy" love, kind of way! Not real love! Sexy love!!

I may be coming on a bit too strong for him. I'm trying to think of a good name for him... Hmmmm!!! Hahaha... Mr. Golf. Yup that'll do me thinks!

I was at a wedding in June (yes I've been putting the moves on since then) and I was texting him. Subtly, or so I thought, I asked him to come back to the afters.

I didn't realise until the next morning, how drunk I actually was, and how many times I asked him back. 5 times! FIVE!!! Desperate for sex or what!?

We aren't really talking as much as we used to now. Although I'm hanging in there.

He propably isn't even interested... But I'll crack him. Haha... He's my everest! (That'd actually be really funny if ye knew him.)

The reason I though he was interested in the first place was... He was. We were sending awful dirty stories and senarios to each other. Text sex, not really my thing. But for him... I managed it! He just kind of lost interest I guess...

Who knows!? I'll keep ye posted this time!  

If you were sent to prison for an undefined amount of time, what would you miss most?
Sponsored by “Inside Guantanamo” on National Geographic Channel. Premieres Sunday at 9P et/pt.

Freedom! Haha... Obvious or what!??

What would you like written on your tombstone?

Got where she was going & never looked back!

What question do you hate being asked?

UGH!! I have this teeny tiny scar on my right cheek... Which I wouldn't even notice only for people keep asking me where I got it (when I say "keep" people usually only ask the once, but it's a question I get a lot-- lol!!)

When I was 3, I was at my granny's house and I tried to climb a table to get something off of it, only I pulled the table cloth a little too much and the table fell over. Now I have a scar. The end!

One of my bestest friends text me to go out last night. I hadn't seen her in months and we needed a good catch up! Not that I needed an excuse to go out, but it helped! lol.

We got ready (and drunk) at her house. It was the 2 of us and one of her other friends, a ginger! Haha, no she was lovely... But still a ginger! The ginger is mad to talk sex, so there was a lot of "oh I'm so horny" and "I need a good proper ride" in our conversations. That coupled with my friend Sarah telling me who we were meeting out in town. I had a crush on one of them and used have a crush on another. So I was VERY horny by the time we got out.

I was so horny, I text The Hott Emo, Number 13 and The Crush. None of them were out and 2 live out the country so booty call wasn't really an option!

At Sarah's house I found out she had slept with one of the boys we were meeting. The guy I used have a crush on. I was so shocked! Not like "OMG I can't believe you slept with my ex-crush" but "OMG you slept with HIM?!" No offence to the guy, but its well known he only has one testicle. So he gets the piss ripped out of him on a regular basis if he's brought up in conversation.

But Sarah kept going on about what a Sex God he was. I was like "I must get me some of him!" 

Damn the battery on my laptop is about to die, I can't find the lead... So I'm going to rush this!!

We went out and the 3 of us half cut! My crush and ex-crush, The Sex God were all out. I'm very forward when I'm drunk... Sometimes. Last night was one of those times.

My friends smoke, and I don't. Last night was kind of a cold night, so I didn't want to be going out with them just to stand in the cold. But Sarah at one stage just went "Hey Sex God, mind Aoife there while I go for a fag will you?" Smart bitch. What a friend eh?! Setting me up for the kill. I must get her laid some night now as a thank you! Haha!

So we were chatting away. It was like he knew the game. She's prob done that to him before! He kept asking "So are we going to Sarah's?" I told him no need sure, we could go to mine. I said I live near Sarah so he could go back to hers after, partying, if he wanted. A win win!

That was all he needed. We left. Early. Before everyone else. I never even told Sarah I was leaving. Haha, I was sooo drunk!

There was the usual awkward "Shush!! Don't wake the mother" march up the stairs, but after that we were good!

Got to my room... I've never been stripped so fast! Now I was so drunk I don't actually remember the first time we had sex. I know it happened though... We had a bit of a nap before round 2. I woke up from the nap with a sore arse... So that means I had sex! Lol!! That and the VERY strong smell of cherry!! (My new buy, cherry flavoured lube!)

But round 2... OHMIGAWD!! Sex God indeed!

We both agreed on how class the sex was. At one stage he told me "Best sex I've ever had", he also said he was going to be bugging me for sex for weeks to come. *Big smile* Quite a nice compliment methinks!!

He was sooo great! When I was talking with the ginger earlier we were talking about how we like our sex. Fast, hard and non-stop. No taking little breaks to cool off or some shit!

It's like the Sex God was made for me! Fast. Hard. Non-stop! It was just all pound, pound, pound. My arse is still sore! Haha! Nearly 24 hours later.

God I hope he does bug me for sex for weeks. I could do with a bit more of that sex! He was unreal!

With Mr. Super Fantastic out of the picture I could well do with a new fuck buddy. Mr. Sex God equals the perfect candidate! He lives near me. He's a savage ride. He enjoyed it too, haha, that helps.

I can't get over how great the sex was. And I've had some great sex before. I was clearly missing out. I wonder what else I'm missing out on!!

What's your best tip or trick for keeping your closet organized?

Cut up the Credit Card!!!

Hey Peeps! There's a hidden message in this blog... See if you can find it!

So... I never met up with Mr. Super Fantastic during the week. He never text me! *sad face* I didn't text him either... But I couldn't!! Women problems!

Was I supposed to text and say "Hey Mr. Super Fantastic, I can't meet up this week. I'm on the rag. Just though I'd let you know. Later!" NO!!! Exactly... But he was all "YOU never text ME!" 

He's not fucking handicapped like! He can use a phone!!

Point being, I don't get men!!

Saturday night I ran into Mr. Super Fantastic In the nightclub. I was well on it at this stage... As always! I was talking away to him, as you do... And things seemed okay. Then the "why didn't you text" convo happened... LAAAAME!

Now normally, I don't kiss Mr. Super Fantastic in public. I'm not ashamed or anything. It's just he's REALLY shy... and never makes the first move. It's all up to me. I usually don't because I've this big fear of being shot down.

However, I was soooo drunk Saturday night I nearly raped him on the dancefloor. Yes. I am a disgrace. Oh well.

I also know Mr. Super Fantastic has a MAJOR crush on this other girl I never got on with. She has a habit of coming over talking to him when I'm there. Nasty habit of it she has. She tried that Saturday, and Scaudly Balls here decided to launch at Mr. Super Fantastic and proceed to eat his face. Or so I''ve been told. That shut that other slut up anyway. Mwah ha ha ha!!!

Dancing away, la la la la la la.... I noticed he kept looking at her. Checking her out. Now I wouldn't mind, we're not exactly serious or anything, I'd kiss other guys in front of him no bother... But to check her out... WHEN I'M KISSING YOU!?!?! Not on lurk!

I walked away. Well I told him if he wanted her don't waste my time. Then walked away. He sort of hovered around me and my girlies for a while before he really got the message.

Somehow... I ended up kissing an old crush of mine, blast from the past. My been-there-done-that sort of guy.

Now myself and my re-run have insane chemistry. It's soooo hot! So I got over Mr. Super Fantastic quite easily that night. On top of that, I had The Hott Emo and Number 13 texting me.

Then I get a message from Mr. Super Fantastic "I'm gone home if your looking for me, Johnny's a wittle sick". If I'm looking for him. I text back... Told him I didn't care where he was, who he was with or what he was doing. I thought I had made that clear in the nightclub. He told me I was being too harsh. Too harsh?!

I have a HUUUUGE crush on this prick and he's checking other girls out while we're kissing, and I'm "too harsh".

GRRRRR!!!!

He told me he was warned to stay away from me and he's going to do just that. I (totally shocked) wanted to know wtf?! He said it didn't matter and that was that.

I was sooo mad. I abandoned my re-run. Text Number 13 and The Hott Emo told them both "fuck off", ditched my friends and walked home. Barefoot. (My poor feet hurt)

I can't remember the last time I was that mad. I fucked poor Hott Emo from a height! I'm surprised he's still talking to me!

Guh! Men!!!

I found out Sunday morning it was actually MY best friends who told him stay away from me. There's a story... Chill out... He he he....

My 2 best friends were outside the chipper and Mr. Super Fantastic comes strolling up the road. The girls tried to talk to him, being friendly because they knew I liked him. He ate them without salt.

This is basically how the rant went... "Who the fuck are you? What the fuck are you saying about me?? What I do is none of your business and what I do with Aoife (me) isn't any of your fucking business either"... Yeah!

My bestest best bud at this stage was out for blood. We're not thugs, but people know not to shout at her. No good can come of it. She kindly (HA!-- forcefully) informed him that he was nothing but a wanker for treating me like shit. This hot and cold game he was playing with me was cruel, and my love life was her business when wankers like him were out to break her best friend's poor heart! That shut him up. She scares ME sometimes. Haha! And she was after taking chunks out of Mr. Super Fantastic. Hahaha... I thought that was very funny.

So as you can imagine, myself and Mr. Super Fantastic are not talking. I still think he's cute but I sure as hell don't like him anymore. How dare he scream at my friends. How dare he treat me like shit. How fucking dare he!!

What do you collect?

I collect shot glasses. I might buy them on holidays, or if I see a particularly cool one here. But mostly I steal them from pubs, he he he! They're all different and I only take one per pub. I have close to 100... Woo!!

Wouldn't you know my only hobby is pub/alcohol related!! Hahaha!!!

*****UPDATE on 'Unlucky Number 13'*****

Myself and The Ex had a HUGE, MASSIVE, UNREAL, HORRIBLE fight last week. We are now officially not talking. EVER AGAIN!!!

He did something unforgivable. Just so we're clear, I've slept with 3 of his "friends"... But what he did was waaaay worse. If I were to let you guess... You'd never guess. Ever. Not in a million years. So I'm just going to tell you. He... *sigh*... He... Read my emails.

He broke into my email account... And helped himself to my personal emails!!!!!

How sick is that?!

Point being, I've given up trying to be friends with him. He's a loser. I don't need that around me.

Now the UPDATE on the boy!! Number 13 and The Ex are good friends. They're neighbours. Grew up together. Drinking buddies.

Saturday night they went out together, got plastered as all country boys like to do on a Saturday night, and went home together, plus some others, to Number 13's house. Where a house party ensued!

One by one party goers started dropping off and heading home. Leaving The Ex and Number 13 alone.

Oh also (kind of important to this story) after my fight with The Ex last week I told him how much I hated him, and said I could crush him (meaning his feelings-- 'cause he is still in love with me! UGH!!) if I really wanted. He wanted to know what I was talking about. I told him ask his friends. Then being the lovely person I am, I told him he was only looking for 3 of them. Haha! I left it at that, left him to torture himself with these little thoughts.

Back to the story, the 2 boyos left alone... Drunk... Got talking... The Ex must have mentioned me and what a cunt I am. How I had slept with 3 of his friends, but he didn't know which ones.

(This is only how I interpreted the story-- I wasn't actually told the details)

 Number 13 must have piped up at this stage and said "Er... I may have been one of those 3!" The Ex (being the cheap bastard he is had no credit) borrowed Number 13's phone to give me a call. To "congradulate" us. This was 7am Sunday morning. I was sound asleep. Missed the call.

Congradulate us. Sarcastic fucker. Grrrr!

When I did eventually rise later that day, I had a missed call from an unknown number. Number 13. *big smile*

I text to see who was ringing me at such an unGodly hour.

Number 13 text back. To say "The Ex now knows about us. He seems okay" (Yeah!! Okay with Number 13, his lifelong friend... But the abuse I'm expecting next time he sees me is something scary-- He's an angry drunk!)

So in all The Ex's "congradulations" he has actually given Number 13 my number, and it seems his blessing. Odd.

We're texting now. He asked me out to his house yesterday, to go drinking and play pool. I was too sick after the weekend sadly (I had been out Thursday, Friday and Saturday) and had gotten minimal amounts of sleep.

Now we're all flirty flirty!! Ooooh!!!

Let the good times roll!!

Hmmmm.... How to start this post?!

Okaaaay... So I talk about my "Benifical Friend" in a lot of my posts... I don't actually like that term, I'm gonna think of something else to call him before I tell the story... Hmmm... I can't use his name, 'cause I put this URL on one of my other pages, where my friends can check it out... and they'd know him, so I wouldn't be able to be cruel, which I am about to do. Eek! Haha... I'm going to call him Mr. Super Fantastic!! "Super fantastic" is one of his over-used phrases, and its hilariously ironic! Mwah ha ha ha!!!

So the thing about Mr. Super Fantastic is he is HIGHLY inexperienced, considering he is older than me. He had a girlfriend for over 2 years, serious-ish relationship. You'd think after that amount of time, you'd pick up a few tricks.

I was with Mr. Boyzone for over 2 years too. I lost my virginity to that asshole! But even I picked up a few nuggets of information concerning good sex! Not that he was any good either! Mwah ha ha ha!!!

What I'm trying to say is, a longterm relationship is no excuse for not knowing how to have sex!!

I've been sleeping with Mr. Super Fantastic for over 4 months (I fancy the arse off him despite him being useless!) and not once have I come with him. It is hard enough to make me come anyway, but this poor fella hasn't a prayer!

I am the THIRD EVER girl he has slept with. His Ex, some girl he rode when sloshed on holidays and me! The 3rd ever guy I slept with was in Summer '07! How long ago is that like???

Okay I'm being mean. He is kind of shy, I suppose that could be an excuse. BUT NOT TODAY!! Mwah ha ha ha!!! No excuses for him!

From what I can tell (without actually outright asking him) his ex can't have been too good either. As far as I have been led to believe, after a certain amount of time with someone there are things your expected to do. She did NONE of these things. When we had the big "previous lovers" talk last Oct. he told me, she never once... NOT ONCE!! Gave him head. *gasp* Yeah you heard me! But wait... There's more... He was always on top (her choice-I don't know why, I try to prevent that happening like--Mwah ha ha ha!!!), nothing fancy for her.

He also told me (last night) how he had never given it to a girl from behind. Which I can understand, his aim isn't great at the best of times, you don't want him messing with a more sensitive hole!

Don't get me wrong, he's a lovely guy. He is. He's just badly informed! But God bless him he's a tryer. He could spend nearly an hour licking you out (if you let him) but he doesn't have a notion what he's doing. I don't have the heart to tell him he's doing it wrong. I guess that makes me partly to blame.

I'm considering giving him lessons. Sex Lessons. I just don't know if I'm allowed. Can you tell someone they're shit? Is that allowed? F.Y.I. I know him because he is friends with my cousin. So if he gets REALLY insulted, it could make things REALLY awkward. 

Although last night... We had a small victory! I didn't give him a chance to get on top, I took charge. All me as far as I was concerned. But then I thought "lets make this interesting" I asked him was there anything he hadn't tried before that he'd like to take a shot at. That's how I found out about him never having tried anal.

So we had a go at that... Not bad! Turns out, if your guy has a small-ish, thin cock that you can barely feel during regular sex... Shove it up your arse and you'll be flying it!

I've had better, I won't lie to you fine strangers. But it was an improvement!! I've been smiling all day.

After he left, I normally text him on his walk home. I didn't last night. (I'm changing my game!) Point being; He text me first today. Another small victory for me! 

We had a big chat, and we both enjoyed last nights revelations so much we can't wait for the weekend for another shot! (We normally only meet at weekends when we see eachother out)

We're goig to meet up during the week for some more arse play--haha!!

*big smile*